Episode 3 (Click to hear)
The Super Squirrels
Narrator: Since the beginning of time, man has searched for a hero. Well, at least since man has been around. Many have come, many have fallen, but there is one hero that is here to stay and that hero’s name is The Spanish Conquistador.
The only character to wrestle raging bulls with no effort at all. His weekly adventures follow him through peril and distress and that’s no bull. Hehe!
And now, today’s episode…
Previously on the Spanish Conquistador, Professor Gludlum, from the filthy bowels of his secret underground castle, sent forth his army of the Ever Elusive Seemingly Rabid Genetically Enhanced Ultra Unfriendly Super Squirrels to do his biding and biting. They arrive with only enough time to cut short the conquistador’s nap and dual with a character known thus far only as The Unnamed Assailant. An Ever Elusive Seemingly Rabid Genetically Enhanced Ultra Unfriendly Super Squirrel flies overhead as our heroes flee for their lives.
SC: Run, run, as fast as you can. You can’t catch me, I’m a Spanish man.
UA: I’m going to be killed by squirrels. I can’t believe it. My psychic was wrong!
Narrator: The flying squirrel then pounces onto the Spanish Conquistador and bites into his shoulder forcing him to yelp in pain.
Narrator: But the Spanish Conquistador continues on, continues through the pain even though more squirrels are beginning to circle him and his non-introduced buddy.
SC: You squirrels think you can outwit The Spanish Conquistador, but I know something you do not.
Narrator: As the Spanish Conquistador finished his sentence, he pulls out two squirt guns from his belt.
UA: What good will a squirt gun be when your flesh is being eaten by rabid squirrels?
SC: In all fairness, they are only seemingly rabid. And this is not an ordinary squirtgun. It is filled with the only thing that can repel squirrels. Fox urine!
Narrator: The Ever Elusive Seemingly Rabid Genetically Enhanced Ultra Unfriendly Super Squirrel begin knowing at the conquistador’s feet. He kicks and squirts at the same time until he has made enough room to move and at which time, he begins to smile.
UA: I can’t believe it is working, Conquistador!
SC: It’s only ordinary squirrel repellent.
Narrator: Said the conquistador. The squirrels now were very enraged and began to swarm in fury. Total melee then ensues. One punch after another coupled with the squirt guns until only the king squirrel remained.
UA: There is only one squirrel left, Conquistador. Now, kick his ass!
SC: No, no, I shall not. This squirrel is not like any ordinary squirrel. This squirrel has trained for years and become the best, the king squirrel, the alpha squirrel.
Narrator: The Spanish Conquistador jumps over the bodies of the squirrels that lay around right into The King Squirrel and squirts, but alas, there is no fox urine left. The Spanish Conquistador, in desperation, swings his fist at the Alpha Squirrel’s jaw only to have it blocked and pushed at him in anger. The alpha squirrel ninja kicks the Spanish Conquistador in the spine knocking him to the ground then proceeds to loom over him blocking the sun from his eyes.
UA: I won’t let you treat the Spanish Conquistador that way. I will take you down, you Alpha Squirrel, you!
SC: The Alpha Squirrel has me, The Spanish Conquistador defeated. It is too much for me to handle. I can not take this. I must leave this place in shame.
Narrator: Does the Spanish Conquistador truly mean what he says when he says this? Has The Alpha King Squirrel really beat him? If so, will anybody ever be safe again? Attend the next episode of The Spanish Conquistador to finally discover the truth once and for all!